Predator Awareness

Don’t get angry, get strategic.

Is your child’s other parent a monster? Don’t get angry, get strategic. Your anger gets in the way of protecting your child. Let go of this roadblock to solution and take hold of the appreciation necessary for a planned approach.

Who is this monster and why do they do what they do? I know nothing about you or the other parent of your child. I do not care if you live with them or not. What I do know is both parents must reasonably cooperate to raise their child or children.

When a party to cooperation is so far out of the bounds of reasonableness, the already challenging task of child rearing in our society is next to impossible. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you who suffers the most, no doubt it will be your child.

A natural reaction to an unreasonable participant is anger. Don’t shoot this messenger, but I would venture to say that the root of your anger is derived from what you do not understand. I know you know them much better than I. Wonder if I told you that this monster of a parent may very well be a psychopath. Now do you think you know them better than I do?

If you are trying to cooperate with a psychopath, many monsters are, and you do not appreciate the way their mind works, then you do not know them at all. What you know is a tremendous amount of anger and resulting frustration from inappropriate behavior. Stop living in a world of anger and start living in a world of reality.

The mind of a psychopath is the least understood, yet they are the most destructive individuals any life has to deal with. A very high percentage of horrendous crimes are committed by this type of evil.

Don’t fool yourself into believing all psychopaths cross the bounds of criminality. In that you would be so wrong. They dwell in every facet of society. Sadly parenthood did not get an exclusion.

• 2008 Strategies By Custody Experts, Dr. Barry Bricklin And Dr. Gail Elliot (Mens Or Womens Version).

Start your analysis by making sure you are the voice of reason. I recommend reaching out to your support for their opinion on your position. Great, now you have your second opinion, or third, fourth …

Prior to building any strategy in your co-parenting with a monster it is essential to thoroughly comprehend the mind of psychopathic predators. (I refer to all psychopaths as predators because the nature of their behavior.) Their mind does not work anything like yours.

Quit rationalizing their behavior through your thought process. Their process couldn’t be more different. Think of them as being of another world.

So what is the thought process of their world? They have a desire and act on it without the constraint of empathy. You on the other hand are constantly constrained from action by empathy. Psychopaths live in the absence of empathy.

I do not care what you do to try and change them, they will not. They do not have the empathy tool to assess a situation the way you do. They do not get it no matter how many ways you try to explain the impact of their less than desirable behavior.

The moment you accept this reality is the moment you move on with a strategy designed to include this mind boggling twist. Nope it will not be easy. All your empathetic expectations need to be thrown out the window. Predictability will be elusive. Guess what, you have no choice. I do give you credit for not knowing who they were at conception, they are extremely deceptive. So what to do now is the next thing on your plate.

I am not aware of any court that has judged a non-criminal psychopathic predator an unfit parent, diagnosis is rare. It is their inappropriate behavior that scores the strikes. The flip side is that many judges are manipulated by their charm thus children continue to be exposed to their evil behavior. It is what it is. However, you do not have to stand by and feel defenseless.

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• Co-Parenting Nightmare
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• Frequently Asked Child Custody

The ball that is in your court is their inappropriate behavior. Zoom in on this rather than trying to change them. What is incomprehensible is psychopaths will act badly over and over. It is this pattern in which you gain control of the situation.

The reason they are repetitive is because they have no empathetic barometer to signal adjustment. Lies without rationale, promises not kept, unpredictable anger, blameless, need I go on.

Two important tasks you can do to protect your child is to stop being manipulated and start keeping track.

Upsetting you is a form of manipulation. You will never win the argument. No matter how clear their responsibility is, the facts will twist to find you at fault. Seasoned predators are masters at this.

Never own what is not yours and deny them the right to convince you. Calmly deny their accusations and save your empathy for someone who cares. They are powerless without the use of your empathy.

Keep a detailed journal of every incident where the promise is not kept or the behavior is outside the bounds of decency. Gear your writing toward facts and leave out your emotional commentary. This evidence may be needed in a judgment atmosphere and us legal types hate to waste time sifting through the emotion to get to the usable data. Be concise and consistent.

Finally, you must never, ever bad mouth the other parent in the presence of your child. Your frustration may be at the highest, but always keep the constraint of empathy for your child’s sense of security. You do not need to verbalize this fact, children feel it all by themselves without your help.

Your role is to overcompensate for the other parent’s defect by demonstrating stability. Use every opportunity to communicate with action to your child that you will always be consistently loving and responsive to their needs. Security is the greatest gift you can give.

Life is not always fair!

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